Thursday, October 30, 2014

THE INTERN

So this intern came to work not dressed appropriately. What do you think?
A new part in a series.

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

ROAD TRIP TO TEXAS

So, last month I took one of those once in a while road trips, I drove to the south from California, it was a 27hr drive to Texas. I had friends to see, actually old classmates and it was fun to see them again. Also my cousin who had just recently moved to Houston. So the route was Tracy
The rental car Ford Focus
.

Los Angeles Financial District night view
Cactus in Arizona
The border between New Mexico and El Paso Texas
In Houston on the way to Sugarland.
Still in Houston looking out of the window from the passenger's side.
Backroad going to Richmond Texas, looks like those roads on the expressway in Nigerian movies.
Wazobia, my lifesaver, about 40mins from the house but i shopped here like i had not seen Naija food in ages.
ST Louis Sugar, business partner with garri since long time ago. It actually costs more than regular sugar in the grocery store.
El Paso Texas, where the freeway has this color which reminds me of Mexico
I ran into Wowo boys at Belvedere, a Nigerian club in Houston
Class reunion with the girls, it was a swell time
Lakewood Church pastored by Joel Osteen, it was a must go for me while i was out there.
I was impressed by the magnitude of the church and how orderly everything was from ushering to parking, to seating.
I was invited to lunch made by my friend.


I had an awesome time in Houston and i am looking for the next road trip i would be embarking on.

Monday, October 27, 2014

CHRONICLES OF A HOUSEMAID 6

                                  “What do you mean by you don’t know?” Priscilla asked,
“Don’t challenge me my friend, use the other car outside” Julia replied sounding very irritated.
“There is no petrol in the car” Priscilla whined.
“That is what you should have said, come here and take money” Julia said as she dug her hand into the back pocket of her pants and brought out a wad of two hundred naira notes. Priscilla took the money from her.
“Anything else?” Julia asked.
“No” Priscilla replied.
“Okay, I will see you later” Julia said and swung her hips as she walked out of the room. Priscilla looked at me.
“Don’t mind her, that is how she behaves, it is so annoying” Priscilla said. I didn't say anything, all I did was observe, rich people had a behavior that made me laugh sometimes.
“Come upstairs and change your clothes, it must have been a long journey, come and take a shower too, I will go and warm the rice and stew for you.” Priscilla said and led me up the stairs. I was in awe of the interior d├ęcor of the house. She led me to the door of one of the bedrooms and opened it, a well made bed with a chair and a television.
“This is your room, the bathroom is down the hallway, I will be back” she said and walked away before I could even respond. She was so hospitable and I appreciated it.
I took out my few clothes and laid them in the empty closet, my clothes were so few that I finished putting them up under five minutes. I pulled out my towel from the bottom of the bag, it used to be yellow but with age I think it is beginning to look like tie and dye with a whole bunch of other colors, how would I take a bath and have this piece of disgrace wrapped on my body, I have absolutely no clue but I guess it can be done. I went to the bathroom and had a quick bath, the clean water and liquid soap was so refreshing to my skin. I put on my favorite green blouse and skirt and went downstairs.
Priscilla had set the table. She turned around and looked at me.
“Why are you dressed like that?” she asked me.
“How?” I said looking at my outfit, she didn't realize that this outfit attracted many boys to me. I bought it in Onitsha with some money I had made from taking care of some children.
“Like that?” she said pointing at my outfit.
“My dear, this is what I have to wear” I told her.
“And you want to go to the university dressed like that?” she said and gave a hearty laugh. I was confused, in my own opinion I was decently dressed.
“ I need to give you some of my clothes, eat and then we would go to my room” Priscilla said as I sat down.

*****************************************************************************
Priscilla’s closet was a boutique. I could not believe it, she had all the colors of clothes one could ever think of, dresses, jeans, leggings, blouses, every combination one could think of, she had it.
“Okay here” she said as she pulled out a pretty red dress, I have never worn anything nicer than one navy blue dress, Angela brought back form America. Angela was my childhood friend and classmate, luck shined on her when her parents won the visa lottery and they all relocated, she came back to visit two years later and bought me a nice navy blue dress, I outgrew the dress and gave it to y younger sister a few years later. I started gaining weight and my breasts also got a bit bigger too.
By the end of the hour, she had given me about twenty clothes.

Monday, October 20, 2014

CHRONICLES OF A HOUSEMAID 5

Just then someone came out of the main entrance of the house, It was my cousin Julia. She was the eldest of my uncle’s children. She looked really pretty in her yellow top and skinny navy blue jeans.
“Open the gate, I am about to leave the house” she barked at the security guard as  she walked towards the parked black, Mercedes Benz which probably belonged to my late uncle, I had seen that car in the village a couple of times.
“Madam no vex, I dey come, this aunty here talk say she dey find madam” he said looking at me some type of way.
“Who is that?” Julia asked as she opened the passenger door and put her purse in it, she slammed the door shut and swung her hips and walked towards the gate.
“She talk say she be oga niece” he said.
“Open the gate” she said as I saw her walking closer.
 He opened the gate and let me into the compound. It was a sight to behold; there were well trimmed shrubs, a well paved path that led to the house.
Julia recognized me and her face lit up.
“Grace, how are you?” she hugged me, I could smell her perfume. She smelt so good it made me feel like I stunk like locust beans.
“I am well” I replied.
“I hope he did not harass you” Julia said giving the guard a dirty look.
“I am not sure,” I responded. I was not trying to put him into trouble but I was also not pleased with his snobbery, it wasn’t as if he had anything worth envying even though he looked well dressed in his uniform.
“Come, let’s go inside” she said and dragged me, she had probably forgotten she had to go somewhere. I followed her as I walked through the beautiful compound, there were three other cars in the compound, one was a black Range Rover, the Mercedes Benz in which she had put her purse and a Honda Civic.
We walked up to the front door, she rang the doorbell and Priscilla opened the door.
“Grace” Priscilla screamed and hugged me. I was overwhelmed with the amount of joy in which Priscilla received me.
“How was the journey? Come and sit down” Priscilla said excitedly. I looked at the interior of the house, I was stunned, everything looked nice, as if no one did anything, it was a very big house, no wonder people in the village said my uncle’s money had no end. Even in death my uncle was still wealthy and that wealth extended to his children.
“The journey was okay” I replied not knowing what else to say.
“You must be hungry, I cooked small rice, please manage it” Priscilla said as she got up.
“How is everyone?” Julia asked.
“They are well, they asked me to greet everyone here,where is mommy?” I asked, her mom was nowhere in sight.
“She went out to do some things, I have to run along too, I will be back in a few hours” Julia said.
“Okay no problem” I replied. Priscilla came out of the kitchen.
“When will you come back, I need to use the car?” Priscilla said.
“I don’t know,” Julia replied
“What do you mean by you don’t know, there is no driver, he took mommy out and I need the car.” She said. I began to wonder why out of the other two cars outside Priscilla wanted to take the one Julia was using, who am I to talk, my parents don’t even have wheelbarrow not to talk of one tire.


Friday, October 17, 2014

THAI CURRY CHICKEN

So i made dinner.
I was on Instagram and one of my guilty pleasures is FOOD even though i keep it a secret it tends to show on most parts of my body.
So i checked out this chick who did a 15 sec flick on how to cook the food. The shortest and most straightforward way to show you how to cook something.  Nice. So i decided to try it, i went to the store and spent $25, not so bad because i have a ton to last me three days instead of buying lunch at work. I got to work, here is the process in real time, what do you think?
(i apologize for the background noise, my parents were watching Family Feud)
video

My mom who is my biggest critic actually liked it, she fussed about making foreign food when i could have fried yam and made eggs. Oh well... You try it, its a challenge, upload videos and share pictures. Thank me later.

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

CHRONICLES OF A HOUSEMAID 4

I absorbed the information he had just given me and I made up my mind that no matter how hard my life would get, I would not give up.
About twenty minutes later, he pulled up into a residential area, the row of houses in the estate were beautiful. He asked for the address once again which I recited out to him and he drove down the street trying to look for the number o the house, he ended up driving to a huge, white house, with a golden gate. The house stood so stately.
“Is this the place?” I asked as the driver put his gear into park.
“If the address is correct, yes it is” the driver replied with a smile.
“This is a nice house” I said out loud, I could not hide my fascination with the house. I have never seen anything this beautiful and I would be living in it for more than a few months.
“It is” he replied.
“Thank you for being so nice to me, what is your name?” I asked.
“Kenneth”
“My name is Grace”
“Good” he replied nodding his head.
“How much is the fare?” I asked.
“It is eight hundred naira” he replied. I looked at him doubtfully.
“Haba, I have five hundred on me, I am not a rich Lagos girl” I replied bringing out the five hundred naira note Mama Nkechi’s daughter had given me when she came to visit.
“This part of Lagos is not somewhere i drive to for a low cost” he said as he took the money from me a little crestfallen.
“ I have one hundred naira” I said as I fumbled through my purse, I did not want to short him of his money for the day.
“Its okay” he said with the same look on his face.
 I thanked him and alighted from the taxi with my miserable looking Ghana must go bag and another small travelling bag. I held on to those two for dear life because my whole life was in both. My clothes, shoes, some textbooks and my WAEC certificate from my school, the official certificate from WAEC was not going to be delivered for a few years. The cab driver drove off.
I walked to the gate, the security guard, a tall and lanky man approached the gate.
“Good afternoon” I said. He nodded in acknowledgement.
“Who you dey find?” he asked after assessing me.
“Madam” I stammered not sure if I made an impression or became a plain turn off. He looked rather snobby. He probably was not used to visitors like me at the residence.
“Who you be?” he asked.
“I be oga niece” I replied. He looked at me clapped his hands in amusement and laughed. I could not understand why he did that or what was so funny.
“Which oga?” he asked me.

“Madam husband” I replied, I was really getting irritated.

Baby's Age


I grew up in the time when a child's age was calculated in years. I moved to the United States in my late teens and realized that it was calculated in months until it sounded too much, anything past 24 months is already a pet peeve for me. Why cant you simply say the child is 2? Some say "my daughter is 29 months" i really don't have time to count. Maybe i should tell you my age in months, about 360 months, does that sound appropriate, will your math immediately kick in or would i have to hand you a calculator?I guess i would just look stupid saying so,
A lady brought her cute little son to my job,he related well with me and was very observant, i asked 
ME:How old is he?
WOMAN: He is 17 months
There was an awkward silence as i tried to do the mental math in my grey cells which are no longer math accurate, (after college my math skills only applied to counting money)
ME: A year and five months.
WOMAN: Is that 17 months?
I gave her the look, the one that had to put her in check.
WOMAN: I am sorry i don't count it like that.
ME: When did he turn one?
WOMAN: He turned one in May
ME: So he will be two next May.
WOMAN: Yes
ME: Okay, that sounds right 
I ended the conversation.

The development of a child in the first few months of the first year and maybe six months into the second year is important, after that please start counting in years, i don't think i would sound right telling someone my son started cleaning up his toys at 50 months.
What do you think?