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Thursday, August 20, 2015

ARE YOU OWNED OR DO YOU OWN?

Hello Blogville,
i haven't blogged in a lonnnnnngg time. I have totally killed my resolution about blogging more frequently but i actually need to really have something to say not just recycle news.
I have been attending weddings and yes most of my MATES are getting married and i am just sitting here FABULOUS and ISH!!
Anyway 2016 is coming..... God is faithful

So in other words i have a question that needs to be answered on my blog. Terry Bams, a relationship coach asked a question on Twitter

"In a marriage, should your partner have access to all your things? (Cell phone, social media, bank account,etc)"

This is a very simple question and it could also be very complex.
My answer to this question is NO.
Lately from my own observation some couples miss the individuality part of their person, once in a relationship everything starts becoming "us" which is how it should be but eventually they start losing their individuality. Not everything necessarily has to be joint or shared maybe except food. LOL.

DEAR FUTURE HUSBAND
I WILL NOT share my cell phone information including my text messages or call logs with you, my social media password and information is mine, my bank account is also mine except we open a joint one.
SIGNED
WHISTLING BEAUTIFUL

Okay, let me break this down, unless i need to show my spouse something on my phone,
he has ABSOLUTELY no right to my cell phone unless it rings or i have a message , i don't need to share passcodes if i decide to lock my phone anyway, my phone has the fingerprint feature so even what God has joined together our fingerprint will never be the same

I have nothing to hide, absolutely nothing so i don't need him logging into my Facebook page as me, i wont go on his either, we opened accounts separately, these are individual social accounts not joint, after spending most time together in the house, why do we have to meet on social network, i have a cousin who is VERY ACTIVE on social media, he has controversial Facebook statuses with probably over fifty comments a day, but guess what, his wife is not on his Facebook as a friend, not because he has anything to hide but for one they have a relationship behind closed doors not open to the media or those ex girlfriends who want to know the level of intelligence his wife would show, at first i didn't understand why he i that, but today i totally respect it because through pictures of his wife that he has on social media, everyone has to respect that she is the mother of his three children.

The bank account issue we can share a joint bank account which has a portion of out income going there to maintain the house, i refuse to use my earnings to fund habits,unless they are talents so each can spend money however it leases, if i decided to splurge on Victoria secret underwear, i just need to make sure that there is money in the joint account to pay the electricity bill or buy enough food for the pantry. Giving my spouse my bank information will not make our marriage last longer.

The point here is are you owned or do you own, For anyone who is brave enough to share their lives in this format with a spouse that is what i call owned, just like property, your spouse owns everything, you cant have a sense of privacy, they check your emails, know that you spent $40 on Jamba Juice this week,spent $250 on a Michael Kors purse when they asked you  for $100 and you refused, they also know that your ex who is happily married and has four kids liked your picture on Facebook, you are always obligated to an explanation, sometimes these things are so irrelevant and trivial they spark up huge arguments, if only you had kept some things as your own.
They don't have to be shared , but they shouldn't be hidden either,there is nothing wrong with them knowing you have an account but if you don't have to share you shouldn't and the reason shouldn't be that you are hiding something

You should own, your own cell phone, social media page(s), bank account an other things that don't necessarily have to be shared like food, or the bed.
I own my stuff, i own me, 
My spouse is and will always be, my better half.


PS: To all those ladies who also believe that having the key to your boyfriend's apartment means you are the keeper. There is always a spare key, Make sure you are not the spare key.

Friday, June 19, 2015

SICKLE CELL DISEASE. THE STIGMA AND MISCONCEPTION

Kyrian and Ada were lovers, they were like best friends, they decided to spend their lives together until they both found out that they carried the sickle cell traits and it was possible to have a child or two, maybe three that would have the sickle cell disease, so they end their love affair of a few years.
While the decision sounded wise, there are other ways to deal with the stigma that comes with either having the trait or having the disease.
Sickle cell anemia is a blood disease. It is usually inherited from carrier parent(s). It is a rare disease that occurs in people of African or African American descent. It can also be found in some Middle Eastern countries and also Asian countries like China. It occurs when a red blood cell is sickle shaped as result blood flow is restricted and it causes damage to vital organs. The normal red blood cell is biconcave in shape and the surface area allow for blood flow across it.
 The first misconception I need to correct is sickle cell trait and sickle cell disease; these are two related but different words. A person with the sickle cell trait is known as (AS) genotype, here the person just has the trait and it takes mating with a person who has another (AS) trait to have a twenty five percent chance to have the sickle cell disease (SS).  A person who does not carry the trait is referred to as (AA).I have heard a lot of people refer to the trait as equal to having the disease it is not true.

The stigma that lies with the misconception is one of the reasons why education for this disease is not rapid, a lot of people bask in the highest level of ignorance even when there are enough information outlets about this disease. About thirty years ago, the stigma of this disease was almost on the same level as having HIV. It was said to have no cure but another thing is that it was not a sexually transmitted disease, neither did a carrier’s condition get worse just by having the disease. Two lovers would stop dating or try to get married as soon as the information about carrying a trait was disclosed as though all their children would come out carrying the disease. A lot of African parents would discontinue a relationship when the information was disclosed because they didn’t want cases of burying children. The truth is out of every four children, one would carry the trait, it is a twenty five percent chance, so what if all the children came out normal or just the trait?
It is sad that a this rare disease has killed a lot of relationships, if two people are brave enough to continue their relationship against all odds and decide to get married, the fate of their children inheriting this disease is in their hands. 
There are two ways of early testing of the fetus to know what to expect, the first is using a method called Amniocentesis is a procedure in which the amniotic fluid of a pregnant woman is tested in her third- fourth month of pregnancy for this genetic disorder, a needle is used to withdraw the fluid which is then analyzed for the trait, the other method is using the Chronic Villi sampling which is done in the second month of pregnancy, the mother’s vagina has samples taken out with a needle, the  genetic information from the mother is also the same as that of the baby and the information is taken to the lab to be analyzed, if the outcome of the analysis proves that the baby will have the disease then they can make the best medical decision as the deem fit with the help of a doctor.

Proper education and public awareness will reduce the ignorance and common misconceptions of this disease and step up finding possibly permanent cures to this disease.

Thursday, June 11, 2015

THE HOUSEMAID 12

We finally pulled up to the beautiful house where Lady D lived. It looked just like the other houses that we had passed up on our way. The driver parked the car right by the house and came out of the car. He opened the door and I stepped out. He took my bags out of the trunk and led the way to the well paved walkway. Everything seemed so serene and in place.
A young girl in denim shorts and a white tank top opened the door, she was fair in complexion with long , purple braids. 
"Are you the new maid?" She asked. She didn't even welcome me, all she could ask was if I was the new maid. I was going to ignore her question and then I decided otherwise because her mother was going to be my employer, her mother was going to put money in my pockets so why would I disrespect this young girl who was about my younger sister's age.
"Yes I am going to work here" I replied.
She stepped out of the way as the driver took the bags into the house. The house was nothing short of magnificent. The interior was intimidating. Every single piece of decor looked like they had been ordered from a foreign country. They didn't look like some of the locally made things in my uncle's house. The carpet was a nice, beach sand brown , there was a zebra print center mat. Lovely statues stood at strategic points of the house, there was a tall, sculpted lion that stood by the staircase.  The dining room door was slightly ajar and all I could see were the beautiful furniture. I began to wonder how I would keep the house clean. It was a huge house, I also began to wonder what the bedrooms would look like. It was small wonder why Lady D thought the world of her self, her house itself was like heaven. Another girl came down the stairs in denim shorts and a white shirt. She looked older than the first girl that I had met by the door. She was also very pretty, There a huge family portrait by the staircase, the two girls were in the picture and a boy, Lady D stood behind them like a hawk watching over her little birds. 
" hello I am Olivia" the girl said
" good afternoon " I replied.
" you must be the new maid, you are quite young" Olivia said. I began to wonder if she was expecting someone who was much older than myself. For the size of the whole house, I began to doubt if I would be able to keep up with the cleaning. How would I be able to study, the size of the house didn't not look as if I would have any spare time to do anything like study.
Lady D came down the stairs wearing a nice, yellow silk dress and a black turban, she had long earrings which dangled from her ears. I stood in awe of her prescence and her perfume swept upon me and it felt like I had been put under a spell.

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

THE PROPOSAL NEW SERIES #2

I got a good feedback from Friday Ademola who is an active follower of mine on Twitter so i felt compelled to put another post on the story i am working on, on the blog. Enjoy~~~

“How far did you think? Sex and then next?” I asked bringing up the sex word.
“Sex?” he asked. I looked at him. He had the most confused look on his face, I was not sure what he was thinking but I seriously hope he is not a virgin, I seriously hope he doesn’t have a sexually transmitted disease and I seriously hope he is not celibate.
“Yes S-E-X?” I spelled out.
“I don’t intend to have sex with you?” he said. I couldn’t believe it, my self esteem dropped from one hundred percent to two percent; did he just say he didn’t intend to have sex with me? Was I not sexually attractive, what in the world was Tunde talking about?
“You don’t?” I asked.
“I haven’t thought about sex with you and right now I have no intention of having sex with you.” He replied looking at me straight in the eyes.
Let me analyze his sentence, he said “right now” so that means he could change his mind and have sex with me later or maybe Tunde is sexually attracted to other men. He didn’t seem like the kind but to be truthful Tunde and I have gone on several dates and he has only given me pecks on the cheek, like the Biblical times you know, the kind of kiss Judas gave Jesus, he kissed him on the cheek. Tunde’s pecks were passionless I never felt any emotion, was he just being a proper gentleman or he just couldn’t make my heart skip a beat or two. I am on the verge of losing my patience with this guy.
“I see” I replied.
“I just want to really get to know you for who you are, not trying to get into your pants or anything, I believe that is fair enough, I don’t know what kind of men you fated in the past, I don’t want to say I am different but I have my standards” Tunde said. I thought it was the most impressive thing he had said since the day we met.
“Okay, let’s give it a shot” I said. I had nothing to lose, if he decided to walk away tomorrow my goodies would be where I left them, untouched and protected.

 *******************************************
The traffic on the bridge took forever; I sat in the car skipping different radio stations trying to find out what would work best for me to listen to.  Work was hectic. There was a new manager in my department and she was the craziest looking piece of work I had seen in a long time with her uncombed and not a single drop of moisturizer like water had hit her hair in a few days, was she trying to start a revolution because she would be giving natural haired girls a run for their Shea Moisture products. She was trying to get into the system and had us all run around the department looking for files, documents, passwords, bringing back old things from almost eight years prior, I hoped in heaven she was not a slave driver because I would connive with me co workers and give her a run to the next department or simply just quit.          
“This woman was sent to torment us in this office” Lydia my coworker murmured as she walked past me in the office with a box of folders.

“Where I come from, we chase the devil with sticks” I replied and we laughed. The tension in the office was profound, everyone seemed to or had to appear busy, I hated working under pressure and my co workers acted like someone died in the office, everyone seemed melancholic. No one smiled and laughter seemed so expensive all of a sudden. I had the shortest lunch ever because no one seemed to want to sit down and have an hour lunch, time was of the essence. I couldn’t wait for 5pm and trust me it didn’t come quick but once I saw the hour hand of the clock on number five, I made my way out of the building.

Monday, May 18, 2015

TIWA'S BABY SHOWER


On a very wonderful Sunday in May  a whole bunch of ladies dressed in white with sailor hats decided to be part of a very opulent and one of the best baby showers I have seen in a very long tim and it was well done and made with love attended by the people who really had to be there.
After viewing the lovely looking pictures I realized I don't have a lot of creative people around me and I need to learn to be more spontaneous. I read the horrid criticism  of TIWAS dress which I believe is very okay because she is very pregnant.

All the special people in my life please take note, throwing a surprise baby shower takes effort, it doesn't have to be so opulent but creativity is most important. I give this shower one hundred percent. I would have given anything to be a fly on the wall at this event.

Thursday, April 30, 2015

THE HOUSEMAID 11

I could not sleep, my aunt just shattered my dreams. I wished my uncle was alive, but what could he really have done anyway, they were not my parents, just relatives whom I had a common last name with. I just tossed and turned in my bed. Of all things my aunt decided to send me to modern slave trade.
Priscilla woke me up a few hours later. I saw her image by the window opening the curtains to let sunshine into my room.
“Wake up sleepy head” she said looking at me as I opened my eyes.
“What is the time?” I asked.
“Time to wake up” she replied with a smile. I looked at the clock which was across the room. It was 8.15 am. I jumped out of the bed.
“Where is your mom? I am sure she would be cross with me?” I said.
“She is still sleeping, there is a lady here waiting for you?” Priscilla informed me.
“Lady?” I asked. I wasn't expecting anyone, I didn't even know anyone enough to have someone come and look for me”
“It is mom’s friend, she is here to pick you up” Priscilla announced. My heart skipped a beat.

*************************************************************
Three hours later, I sat in the front seat of the brand new Peugeot 406, everything smelled like the car just came out of the factory. My aunt counseled me about working for her friend, she expected trust and good behavior, I could come home on the weekends to stay with them but during the week, I was strictly supposed to be working for her friend. I didn't even know what my job description was, would I be washing dishes, or servicing men. I had heard all sorts of stories of the glamorous city life and the rich quick schemes of all sorts, drugs, prostitution, theft, every vice all in the name to look like a million bucks.
Lady D was a high profile woman, she had been married three times but none of her marriages worked out according to what Priscilla had briefly told me about her upstairs.
“She travels a lot though” Priscilla said.
“She cant keep a home” I replied.
“She cant even keep a man” Priscilla said and laughed.
“Don’t speak too loud or your mom would literally skin both of us alive” I said and we chuckled. I knew I would miss Priscilla very much.
“Does she have children?” I asked.
“Yes, she has three children, two daughters and a son”
“Okay” I replied and shook my head.

The driver was uniformed and didn't crack a smile, he drove through the highbrow area and I watched helplessly, every house was looking better than the other as if the landlords were in competition with each other in the area.


Tuesday, April 28, 2015

THE PROPOSAL PART 2. NEW SERIES

I won't be writing the whole series on my blog. I want you to get the book when it is out. Support a sister while she builds her castles. Lol.!!!  If you haven't read the short story proposal, You may be a little lost in this one, not really lost but somewhat.
You can read it on Okadabooks for free
http://okadabooks.com/book/about/8880.

So here is Part 2.

 I don’t know if you remember Maxwell from the proposal. Hmm
If you don’t let me remind you, so I used to date this really nice man called Maxwell, the only problem, I was a complete asshole to him so he decided to teach me a lesson by proposing to me on April 1st. It was the worst April Fool’s joke I had ever encountered. I could not even look at him after realizing that I had been fooled.
Fast forward a few months later I met this nice, tall young man with dimples, yes I said it, dimples, he has the cutest smile ever. I met him at my cousin’s little shindig and then we decided to hook up, after about four dates he asked me to be his girlfriend. I was born in 1984, so that actually makes me thirty one years old this year and did the punk ask me to be his girlfriend.
“Sharon” Tunde said snapping me out of my day dream.
“Yes” I replied snapping back into reality.
“Did you hear what I asked?” he said looking confused, the arch on his left brow was so sexy especially in the confused state.
“I did, but I don’t think so” I replied. He looked crestfallen,
“Why?” he asked.
“You are a great guy and all but” I began, he looked at me so hard that the words I wanted to say just vanished. I wasn’t going to turn him down but I had to let him know that I wasn’t what he was looking for. Any female above thirty should not be “girlfriend material”. I don’t care if you don’t agree with me but honestly speaking I have been someone’s girlfriend since high school, can I at least get a break from that title?
“What is the problem?” he asked with a straight face.
“I don’t want to be a girlfriend, I want to be a future prospect, I have been a girlfriend all my life and I think it’s boring for me already.” I responded not knowing how I was able to get the whole sentence out of my mouth without my heart skipping a beat. He smiled. I don’t know why he smiled and I also don’t know what he was thinking but I got a little frazzled after watching him smile.
“I like the way you think but let us take one day at a time at least get to know each other, hopefully we can end up liking each other after we get to know each other’s bad habits, you may end up not liking me after you find out that I don’t eat meat” he said and smiled.
“You don’t eat meat? “ I asked. I couldn’t stand vegetarians, they made their choice for not eating meat like a religion, like they were better than other people who ate meat, made people like me feel unhealthy and I hope he wasn’t the kind who made that effortless announcement in public about not eating meat.
“It’s been about a month, a new lifestyle change” he replied and smiled.
“Oh a month, that is not long enough, you can still slip back into your old ways, if you hang out with me well enough you probably would” I told him.
“Then I would consider you a bad influence” he replied. I felt selfish, but why in the world would someone decided to give up meat, meat always made everything taste good, jollof rice and meat, fried rice and meat, vegetable soup and meat, why on earth would he want to give up meat? It sounded like a man who could see wanting to go blind, but I know that any of the members of the vegetarian club would shoot me dead if I made the comparison sound like that, they would probably tell me it was like getting your sight back after blindness.
“Oh please” I said and waved my hand in disgust. “What else are you trying to get rid of?” I asked.
“Eggs, chicken, milk, mostly dairy, I am slowly quitting alcohol too” he replied trying to gauge my reaction.
“Are you serious?” You are quitting all the best things in life” I shrieked. How could he want to quit alcohol? If we ever went out on a date to celebrate something, we would pop apple cider instead of champagne, or is he trying to be deliberately cheap because liquor is expensive and I am not cheap, I won’t resort to soda not to even talk about water. He also added eggs to the list, what is breakfast without eggs? What is moin moin without eggs? I put eggs in my fried rice, I love eggs, they taste great, those beautiful birds lay eggs that taste great why on earth would Tunde deprive himself of eating eggs calling it a lifestyle choice. We would all die of something one day so while we are still breathing it is best to eat all the food available.
“I am quitting all the best things in life. You are not quitting and I won’t hold it against you” Tunde replied.
“It will be awkward though” I said.
“How?” he asked looking at me intently.
“I would have a plate with dairy and you will just eat mostly salad and other stuff” I replied folding my hands like a naughty little girl. He laughed.
“Don’t feel that way. Everyone has their preferences” he replied. “So back to the question?” he continued trying to get us back on track to the girlfriend and potential wife question.
“I am not settling for girlfriend” I replied.
“Let’s take one day at a time” he soothed.  After watching a whole lot of sermons after Maxwell played me, I decided to play my cards right, Tunde looked like a king but was acting like a joker right now. It was over three months and he hadn’t said a single thing about knowing the color of my bra, sounds like a keeper right or wrong. Don’t get me wrong, I am a freak, I  love having sex and I beginning to feel celibate, like my vagina walls are drying up, I haven’t had sex in over three months, but how can I bring up the topic about having sex and not sound desperate or like a slut and also did he give up sex too?
“I am not cut out for that, I have things that could occupy my time and I need to know where I am headed, I am not a science experiment, like a toy you play with and put back on the shelf, I am a real woman with real feelings who intends to find someone who is on the same page and get married and have kids, that is what I want, anything less than that please keep it moving.” I told him, I couldn’t believe that I said all that in one breath and I still kept a straight face. He looked defeated, he probably didn’t think I would stick up for myself, I also didn’t think so either but I am tired of men running in and out of my life like a bus stop. I needed to be someone’s final destination, not a stop for a man to pick up another woman.

“I understand, I really like you but I haven’t thought that far yet” he said. The words came out like a bomb from his mouth, he hadn’t thought that far yet, did he think we were still in college taking subjects and do homework later.




Let me know what you think!!!

Monday, April 27, 2015

WEDDING!!

The bride doing shoki
Gracious.its been a while since I blogged. I have been so busy making plans since it is the second quarter of the year. The first half has come and gone smoothly.My birthday is usually at the end of the first quarter of the year so beginning from April, i see it as a fresh start.
 I am currently working on the Part 2 of the Proposal.I will let you read a sneak peek of that and let's see what you think.
I was in a wedding.its like most of my friends are getting married and having babies and I am over here just FABULOUS. I am beginning to have different aso ebi colors and fabric. I need to start getting ready for marriage oh before my friends kids will be babysitting my children, i want the children to all be playmates....
This wedding happened  about two weeks ago and I am just sharing... the trad engagement was on Friday April 10 and the Nikkai and reception was on Saturday April 11th.
Maid of honor and the bride's cousin
Daddy is giving the bride away, the journey down the aisle
My outfit for the traditional engagement
Getting the bride ready
The Bridal committee
Aso ebi ladies
bridal commiitee at the reception
Elevator selfie with the bride and the bridal crew
Wishing the bride a happily ever type of married life..
I guess its my turn to start planning a wedding...

Sunday, April 5, 2015

I AM ON OKADABOOKS

Hey..Happy Resurrection week. I am sure you all had an amazing Easter. Let me make it better by sharing something lovely with you.
I am a blogger and also a writer but I feel I write more instead of blog as much as other bloggers do, I put one of my favorite stories on Okadabooks and guess what, its free. Its a recurring story on my blog. "the proposal" and I have also put a sneak preview of my next book "Alhaji " up for you to read. Please download the Okadabooks app to read my books and other talented Nigerian writer's stories. I would also love to get feedback. Thank you Beautiful..



Thursday, March 26, 2015

SO I HAD A BIRTHDAY

The ladies, we painted the place RED!!!
Hmmm..that time of the year came around again and I turned 31. Yes I said it, its my real age, no camouflage or nothing..I have grown from that skinny QC girl to a full fledged woman...I am thankful for my life, my family, awesome friends , health. Experiences, blessings and lessons.I thank you my darling readers and fellow bloggers for encouraging and inspiring me. I had a pretty awesome day with four of my friends and my brother.



Table Manners

Friends since Elementary school, isnt it so cool that after 22 years we are still friends
Crazy fun filled evening
Birthday girl on her birthday behavior
my shot of Patron..Birthday Tradition