Monday, October 14, 2013


There is a disclaimer on this post. This post only applies to sexually active people who are not married. It does not in any way apply to celibates or virgins so in terms of giving opinions, speak from the stance of a sexually active person in a relationship.Please i love Jesus as much as you do, do not bring any Christian mother talk into this.

There is this in my own opinion "urban legend" that having sex on the first date makes you a slut or a hoe and it is good to wait a few months to get respect and get to know each other. In the African society especially when i was growing up, it was very shameful to hear a story of a young girl engaging in sexual activity with any boy especially when they were not married. It was so easy to throw stones and make up stories of other worse things the girl would have done with the guy so as to look innocent or perfect. At 15, some girls in my class did worse things than "escorts". It doesn't make them bad people after all sex is supposed to be an enjoyable activity but hypocrisy makes it seem really bad.I wish i had evidence to prove it but lets leave it at that.
Lets look at a case scenario, Thomas and Ada met at a house party, they get to sit down, chill and talk somewhere, after a couple of drinks Ada gets tipsy, she likes Thomas, they get closer, they end up at their house (Thomas or Ada) and have sex. Today they are married with two kids and a happy home, on the other hand Titi and Kevin met in the library during a study session, they study more and "study" each other more at Kevin's house. The next day Kevin does not return her text messages or her phone call so what happened.
The common ground here is that in both scenarios each couple had sex on the first meeting so why was Ada lucky enough to get married to Thomas and Titi losing Kevin.
For one Ada and Titi are not hoes/sluts. They just happened to be in a situation. A situation may be good or bad depending what is involved. When Ada had sex with Thomas, there was no indication of her becoming his wife, it just happened,and the same happened for Titi.
In Ada's case the sex was probably good, she had great chemistry on all levels with Thomas and maybe Thomas was ready to settle down at that point and Ada seemed the right person for him. Titi was just a one night stand who happened to be 'studied' by Kevin. Titi allowed her self to be in the situation. The act was consensual but if she expected anything more after the act that would have been her mistake.

1. If Thomas and Ada may have dated a few months, they may have broken up after having sex, the reason being that Ada may have decided to make Thomas wait, and he will just for sex, he would do everything to get some and after that he would be long gone. The factors that would come to play would be the timing and his frame of mind. Men do not associate sex with love the way we women do. Titi might have felt that Kevin liked her on a higher level to have sex with her. That is some dumb thinking right there. Men can have sex with anyone they like, it is just an act, lovemaking is for that special one associated with feelings. If Titi and Kevin had waited a little longer, maybe Kevin may have had feelings for her and not left her but again...

2. After waiting several months to have sex because of looking decent, your ass may still get dumped, its not about quantity, it is about quality.The time factor is a great yardstick, it brings out personality, who the person really is. Some men cant deal with drama or certain baggage. Men already know what they want and you could either be a bride or a loss and as a loss they will make profit from sex and walk away. It always happens and women do the same. It is a game.

3. Kevin might have wanted to be in a real relationship with Titi but after easily falling prey of having sex with him the first time, Kevin might have thought she did so with other men on the first date. If Thomas had decided to hold off from Ada, he might have not wanted to look like he was only after having sex with her,in situations like this it is always best to let the other person know whats up. There is nothing as bad as planting corn and expecting an apple tree. Planting seeds of intimacy would yield the expectation of a relationship that may never exist.

4. The only "Hell No" i can think of when it comes to having random sex on the first date is the person's sexual history. You do not know where they have been, where their partners have been, what kind of sexually transmitted disease they may be carrying, what kind of people would they be open to sleeping with. If they can trust to have sex with you when they do not know your sexual history, they can do it to anyone else and that would make me pull a "red card".

5. In other words, whether it is the first day or six months later or the wedding night, it doesn't matter when you have sex,if you are getting dumped it would happen for sure. Getting married and having safe sex is the best but now i have another question.. What if your partner is not good in bed?


  1. LMAOO at your last question... I guess sex can be improved upon.

  2. Myne Whitman thank you. HoneyDame some partners are not that