I don’t know if it is me, or the nature of man has truly changed. This blog post was a little hard for me to write because it also personal too.

I remember when I was growing up, love seemed to be something often dreamed about, it seemed perfect when two people felt the same way about each other, when they shared their dreams and goals with the ultimate purpose of spending the rest of their lives together
Nowadays, the idea of falling in love is like reading “Alice in Wonderland” where Alice kept chasing a rabbit that kept running away and only for her to find out that her whole adventure was just a dream.
Is it hard to find a good man nowadays or are the ladies of this generation no longer wife material because it goes both ways. A chic could be looking for a man who would give her  a decent relationship, a great time, movies, vacation, dinner, family , sex, etc with a commitment or something like it but not be  wife material. Meanwhile there could be another man ready to trade it all and give her what she wants but she most likely won’t be interested

Harrysong came up with this song “Even your boo get a boo”
It is a song that most people will sing with joy because there is a lot of truth in it. The lyrics ring true these days
If you are in a relationship, is it just both of you? is there a third party? are there more tenants in your relationship? Have you ever tried to find out or do you wholly trust your partner, after being played twice, I make sure that I have my GPS positioned properly…… (that’s my secret now).

I was once in a relationship after a year of breaking up with the dude, I found out that there was two of us, the whole time and I was the side chic, He never truly broke up with the ex who seemed to be lingering, it was very heart breaking to find out I was a side chic.

All my life, i never prayed to be a side chic but i unknowingly became one and the best decision i made was remove myself from the equation and let him be someone else's headache. 

There was another one who had an extra two females and he ran all of us like a dating service and every side chic always had to fulfill a need, either financially, emotionally, sexually, mentally, physically.

This type of dude is who I will always call a Fuckboy.

As a female I always come 100. I know my worth and value as a female and I have stuff to bring to the table so why do I have to be a side chic?
If a man has intention of keeping one woman and intends to play the field, he needs to let me know so i could go, if I choose to stay then it is at my own risk, a lot of females are not open minded, most of it stems from insecurity and the fear of being inadequate, late twenties and early thirties tend to pose a lot of pressure on females because their friends are getting married and having babies.
So it brings me to the question Why cheat?

On Twitter @Echecrates wrote that cheating is a choice,
A cheater chooses to cheat with someone else over their partner. It is a choice.
Choices do come with consequences. What type of choice will a man make when it comes to cheating?

Eche also wrote 


All the way. Sometimes you look at a man’s partner, then you look at the woman he cheated with and you are like.
Wait what is going on here?”
A man will have a classy woman with a good head on her shoulders, really beautiful and hang out with some chic that on a normal day you won’t dream of seeing him with. Why? It is a matter of choice, there are many reasons why a man would cheat and on that note it is always a matter of choice. Women cheat too but it seems worse for women because we live in a world where double standards are practiced and for the woman cheating is a very bad idea.

There is a story on Linda Ikeji blog about a side chic who sent a text message to the wife of her “boyfriend”. If I had to judge the man his side chic is childish, she has nothing to offer, maybe sex but its temporary and that to me is a waste of time.So this man left his wife for his very personal reasons and decided to be with a chicken head who had the audacity to send text messages to "The First Lady of His Home". What she fails to understand is that she will always be a sidepiece, the woman has "investments" in the marriage which include children and what they built from scratch. She made the house a home by giving him  a family. 

Anyway please your boo shouldn’t have a boo that isn’t you, if your boo has a boo please be single or find someone who wants what you want too, there is nothing better than loving somebody when somebody loves you back.


  1. Wow! *Hands up* It took you time to post this dearie, but to be sincere i commend you specially on this one. Well done

    You have stated very well most of the reasons why men cheat over their woman.
    I don't like talking about things in the past okay, but let me quickly put up some essay here for your readers to enjoy.

    CHEATING can be planned or unplanned for, how and why?
    I first of all want to say, I broke up with my dream-girl in 2008 over this cheating of a thing. She started keeping more male-friends, and admirers; which led her to be going out more with them than me the village boy who knew little.
    She was a virgin though, but the guy who went in on her is just few houses away from my parents house (He's a rich man's son, my street friend) He did not force her, it was her choice! The news broke in the neigbhourhood which i was even called mumu for keeping her V. But you cannot blame me, that's my dream and plan for her, i was protecting her; but she wanted more that that. Lola don't even pity me ooo lol.

    Few years later, i tried to keep other relationships but my heart was not ready to fight for them, so i had to let go.

    There is a female friend, christian, she is a V as well, based in U.S; you know I be Lagos person na, we were just close friends, she called me egbon, she had someone she was dating then oo, like just dating with nothing attached, they were doing distance relationship, because they live in different state.

    Along the line; we became best-friends oo, although she was still with the guy! Before we knew it; we started liking each other oo, it wasn't really 100% love, it was partly with lust, mehn it's naturally; when you keep in touch with someone regularly, there is probability for the two of you to fall in love (Atleast one person must fall in love with the other). When we were getting deeper, I had to sell my blackberry phone in order to quench the strange-feeling we had for each other, no communication, nothing nothing for a year.

    To me this is unplanned cheating, it just happened naturally.

    Let me talk about Planned Cheating.
    A girl walked up to her boyfriend to demand for money for something, I don't have that kind of money for now - He said
    She then followed her female friend to a club to meet that one's boyfriend, the boyfriend also came with his male friend. When her friend and boyfriend were talking, it was her and her friend's boyfriend's friend looking idle. This same guy has a girlfriend but it's complicated! The guy walked up to her, explained he has a girlfriend but they are not in good term, the lady said the same = So they started going out from there, both knew they were in relationship and CHEATING, this is PLANNED CHEATING.

    For some years now, I did not bother going into a relationship, neither am i sleeping with girls up and down, because I am not ready for one. But I have my eyes on good ladies who are single, committed to GOD, who are also not ready for one.
    In less than 3years I will be done with my programme, by then I can now say I am ready.
    But never will I run after a lady who already has a boo, because if I successfully get her away from her boo, I should not be surprised in the later if someone comes after her and get her away from me.

    So you understand what I am saying Lola? Lol, let me stop here.

    1. Demola ooo You need a guest post!!! I will read this over again.

    2. Na my name be that ooo, lol. Guest-post ?

      Hmmm, I am very interested, but for now?
      Education ni oooo

    3. LMAOOOOOOO...What Lola said! But I agree, it is a vicious cycle. If she left a "nigga" for you. She will probably leave you for another "nigga".

    4. My dear, 140 characters on Twitter is not enough for Demola, he came and wrote PHD thesis on my post

  2. Girl, hi5! You nailed. Personally, I run from stress. Anything that constitutes stress, physically/emotionally, i'm running away from. Simple

    P.S: I did my sisterhood award tag post. Check it out xoxo

  3. Now, "even your boo get a boo" you wan take sabi the truth value of this? See ehn, especially for us ladies, only God can save us. We are either too paranoid or too complacent. Some guys are really really good. They'll run a whole season show on one and one aint even know it!
    The only person's boo who you are sure of, is yours....any other thing, na one chance...Shine ya eye!

    1. What if your own bobo get another baby? That one is already one chance by itself

  4. Oyinlola my dear..I love this!! Na true u talk oh!

  5. Wonderful post Lola. I think many women are afraid to be single so they settle for being a side chic. Me too I'm afraid to be single o but the difference is I don't like to share :) last one wins everytimeeeee

    1. The fear of being single. That will be a blogpost for another day, it is coming i promise. Sometimes it is better to be single than unhappy. Two things a woman should never run after a bus and a man, another one will always come. This also goes for men too. Another bus and another woman will definitely come

  6. Lola this post is it... Uno some days back I was talking to a very close friend about dating and uno I told him when I was younger I felt dating was easy asin uno Cinderella story with prince charming but right now its more like really hard knowing the fact you can't just date anyone. In order not to get hurt ladies know your place! I have met a guy we acted literally like a normal couples after a while I became ackward cause when people asked I didn't know what to say I was forced to ask t he embarrassing question "what are we" he couldn't say anything was just beating around the busy thing is if I was art enough to make sure we defined our relationship since it wouldn't have gotten to that stage... If he dated someone I would have said he cheated but in the actual sense we were not dating... It boils down to the fact DEFINE YOUR RELATIONSHIP!! It would save you from hurt. Secondly cheating is a choice I say this a lot if you think you and your present partner are not flowing talk it out if it doesn't work call it out and move on.. Don't cause someone hurt.
    Also ladies/guys if your present partner cheater on someone with you he or she is prone to still cheat again and again.
    By @the_igbogurl

    1. My Puerto Rican princess, thank you for your comment, defining your relationship is important but what happens when one person is out of sync. I have defined a relationship and my boo too decided to have a boo. My dear you don't ever want to enter one chance but life is full of risks and we have to take them. Cheaters cheat by choice and like Eche said who they cheat with doesn't have the same value as who they date, they won't replace so they supplement.

  7. Lola, kudos for sharing your experience. It took guts o. I hail you!

    I think this side chick matter comes down to self-worth. Why would you want to be a side chick when you can, and in fact, should be the one and only? Abi is exclusivity now old-fashioned? In this life, what goes around, comes around. Cheating is a choice, or sometimes, a series of choices that can ruin more than one person's life. Quite selfish.

    You did the right thing. It's better to be single than be a side chick. Side chick-ism shouldn't even be on the list of possible options for anyone who takes life seriously.

    1. LMAO. Sharon said "side chickism". I love that word, but yes oh my dear it is the world we live in and a lot of insecure females who do not value themselves. It is sad but we females always feel the need to be loved and after that, that type of love becomes an unhealthy obsession

  8. It is really sad that this is what relationships have come to. No integrity, and it is getting worse. I believe in the 'last 10% rule.' There are still good guys and girls out there, and I will end up with one of them. I don't mind waiting, abeg.

  9. Seun Cole wrote: MY cuzzo sef has the same talent I have. Ability to put together words that not only make sense but enjoyable to digest. Well Done. Fact is that this is the status quo is many relationships but then if you dig deep in some cases u'd find out that there were some instances in the foundation of the relationship where it was clear that the boo will also have a side boo. Behaviors aint spontaneous :)

  10. It is funny that we're discussing cheating as something new. Is cheating new ? Don' t we cheat God ? .... Some of us are traitors, we refuse to change our ways and we complain when people jilt us for being the bad eggs.
    I am not justifying cheating, we must kill it or else it rob us of our happiness. Now am laughing in my native tongue, even if a lady has something to bring to the table, how important are the things she's bringing to the table. Be it university certificate, beauty or rich parents there is more to marriage menu than things mentioned earlier. Having ones eyes on good ladies or guys will worsen the matter. God doesn't engineered perfect beings, He want us to work out our own perfection. If am not good, why should I pray for a good lady. Am ripe for marriage but am not considering it because I am yet to finish brushing up myself in terms of my attitude, thou I am not that bad, but we all need to be open to change. We must strive to be what we want others to be. We should be ready to love people the way they're. It pays to be true to oneself. For the meantime, let keep improving ourselves in all areas as we wait for love and if when we find one, let us love till it suffice......... O .Oluwafemi Ebenezer.


Post a Comment