Thursday, August 20, 2015

ARE YOU OWNED OR DO YOU OWN?

Hello Blogville,
i haven't blogged in a lonnnnnngg time. I have totally killed my resolution about blogging more frequently but i actually need to really have something to say not just recycle news.
I have been attending weddings and yes most of my MATES are getting married and i am just sitting here FABULOUS and ISH!!
Anyway 2016 is coming..... God is faithful

So in other words i have a question that needs to be answered on my blog. Terry Bams, a relationship coach asked a question on Twitter

"In a marriage, should your partner have access to all your things? (Cell phone, social media, bank account,etc)"

This is a very simple question and it could also be very complex.
My answer to this question is NO.
Lately from my own observation some couples miss the individuality part of their person, once in a relationship everything starts becoming "us" which is how it should be but eventually they start losing their individuality. Not everything necessarily has to be joint or shared maybe except food. LOL.

DEAR FUTURE HUSBAND
I WILL NOT share my cell phone information including my text messages or call logs with you, my social media password and information is mine, my bank account is also mine except we open a joint one.
SIGNED
WHISTLING BEAUTIFUL

Okay, let me break this down, unless i need to show my spouse something on my phone,
he has ABSOLUTELY no right to my cell phone unless it rings or i have a message , i don't need to share passcodes if i decide to lock my phone anyway, my phone has the fingerprint feature so even what God has joined together our fingerprint will never be the same

I have nothing to hide, absolutely nothing so i don't need him logging into my Facebook page as me, i wont go on his either, we opened accounts separately, these are individual social accounts not joint, after spending most time together in the house, why do we have to meet on social network, i have a cousin who is VERY ACTIVE on social media, he has controversial Facebook statuses with probably over fifty comments a day, but guess what, his wife is not on his Facebook as a friend, not because he has anything to hide but for one they have a relationship behind closed doors not open to the media or those ex girlfriends who want to know the level of intelligence his wife would show, at first i didn't understand why he i that, but today i totally respect it because through pictures of his wife that he has on social media, everyone has to respect that she is the mother of his three children.

The bank account issue we can share a joint bank account which has a portion of out income going there to maintain the house, i refuse to use my earnings to fund habits,unless they are talents so each can spend money however it leases, if i decided to splurge on Victoria secret underwear, i just need to make sure that there is money in the joint account to pay the electricity bill or buy enough food for the pantry. Giving my spouse my bank information will not make our marriage last longer.

The point here is are you owned or do you own, For anyone who is brave enough to share their lives in this format with a spouse that is what i call owned, just like property, your spouse owns everything, you cant have a sense of privacy, they check your emails, know that you spent $40 on Jamba Juice this week,spent $250 on a Michael Kors purse when they asked you  for $100 and you refused, they also know that your ex who is happily married and has four kids liked your picture on Facebook, you are always obligated to an explanation, sometimes these things are so irrelevant and trivial they spark up huge arguments, if only you had kept some things as your own.
They don't have to be shared , but they shouldn't be hidden either,there is nothing wrong with them knowing you have an account but if you don't have to share you shouldn't and the reason shouldn't be that you are hiding something

You should own, your own cell phone, social media page(s), bank account an other things that don't necessarily have to be shared like food, or the bed.
I own my stuff, i own me, 
My spouse is and will always be, my better half.


PS: To all those ladies who also believe that having the key to your boyfriend's apartment means you are the keeper. There is always a spare key, Make sure you are not the spare key.

9 comments:

  1. I appreciate the emphasis on the individuality even in a relationship. It is important to not lose oneself because of a situation or relationship.
    It also touches on the importance of trust tho, both parties have to trust the actions of the other.
    I appreciate this piece.
    Thanks!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for reading and your input, yes definitely the individuality part is the most important

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  2. LOL at some of the lines, so you are very secretive is what first came to my mind. On the social networking sites, if i am married now, the activities on my personal accounts shall have nothing to do with my personal life but my business, but the rest of these other things are not big deal, my future wife can maintain a personal account, i would maintain mine, and we can then have a joint account for the family. I don't need to know her password, but it shouldn't be a big deal for me to access her phone! Yes i mean it, if she takes the children on vacation and loads of photographs are taken with her phone, would she say she should send them to my phone so that i can view them there? No, I will be open to my future wife because we would be one. Don't let me go Biblical on this post. I love Jesus and so I will deal with my family in Jesus' way.
    Thank you

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am waiting for this your wife, for right now i will munch your comments oooo bros. :)

      Delete
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  5. Hmm, i think the issue definitely is more about trust than anything else. I can't see why i would want my spouse's passwords and such unless I don't trust him. And if I don't trust him, its is most likely because he's given me reasons not to. In which case, we shouldn't have gotten married in the first place lol (assuming these misgivings started before the wedding).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I understand what you mean darling, what i am talking about here is how people bond so much that they no longer have a sense of individuality, i feel that i should have 5% of my privacy even as someone's wife.

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  6. I get trust... But as Lola said individuality is needed having the password to my social media Accounts is way too much!! Remember what you go looking for you would find it.😘

    ReplyDelete